There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She bit a glass in half.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
