Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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