i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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