This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
