perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
