Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
