I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
