You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
