The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
