the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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