You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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