Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
