Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we should paint friendship bongs
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