my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
