About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
