my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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