I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
