just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
