chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
