so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
