Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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