I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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