I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
