you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
