Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
