I wish I could punch you in the face.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
