Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Boobs speak an international language.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
