Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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