I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
