The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
