Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
