She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
