Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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