My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
