yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
