I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
id be glad to
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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