Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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