his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
