I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
