Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
