You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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