and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My dick has a subreddit
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
