Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
