my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
