I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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