VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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