what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
