Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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