so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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