He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
