woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
