My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
