I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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