I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I love having hate sex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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