Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My nipple is on Facebook.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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