I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
