I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
