Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
